Detroit MI father here!
My daughters mother and I split about a month ago and do not have a custody order in place yet but I am strongly considering starting one.
Her mother went to Tennessee with my daughter for a music festival and was only supposed to be there for 3 or 4 days, was gone 2 weeks.
She didnt talk to me for a few days and ended up staying at some guys house who she just met and they hooked up.
She came back 2 days ago and told me that he is coming up from Tennessee to visit her and I have multiple reasons to believe she may be trying to move down there with my daughter.
Im going back and forth on applying for an emergency custody order today so that she will not be able to take her more than 100 miles away from me.
I currently have my daughter, am about to change my locks on my house and am thinking I should try to withhold my daughter from her until I have the custody order in place. My daughter does not want to see her mother and wants to be with me. I have no reason to trust her mother and I know that her apartment lease ends in 3 months, it was paid for by a male "friend" who she had a falling out with because she didnt want to be with him. She also has no job or source of income, which is just a few reasons I believe she is going to try and move out of state with the guy she met in Tennessee. When I told her she will not take her to Tennessee, she looked at me and said nothing, but her face spoke "you won't tell me what I can and cant do".
**edit**
Ill also add, my daughter is 4, spent her whole life living in my house, was even born in my house home birth. Also 3 days ago her mom got mad at me and my daughter got in her way, and pushed her by her head. My daughter cried and I immediately consoled her and told her mom to apologize, but she just went in the house for 5 mins and came back out, got in her car and went to leave. I have the incident on camera as well. Not sure if something like that will help my case but I did document it. Just in case that will help with emergency custody order and for the future case. Im going to file for full custody. Attaching the video now.
What would you guys do in this situation?
Any advice? Thanks!
You're absolutely right to move fast here—this is a situation where hesitation could let her take your daughter out of state. The good news is that Michigan law is on your side, but you need to take the right steps in the right order.
## ⚠️ Before You Do Anything: Do NOT Keep Your Daughter From Her Mother
I know your instinct is to protect your daughter, but listen to me carefully on this. **Do not withhold your daughter from her mother before you have a court order.** Under Michigan law, because there's no custody order in place, you currently have equal rights to the child as an established parent—but withholding her can legally backfire on you. Without a court order, a judge could view unilateral withholding as parental kidnapping if it goes beyond 24 hours with "intent to detain or conceal". Instead of withholding, you should immediately file for an emergency custody order that specifically prohibits her from moving out of state with your daughter.
## 🚨 Step 1: File an Emergency (Ex Parte) Custody Order Immediately
In Michigan, you can seek an emergency custody order that is granted **without the mother being notified** (called an ex parte order). This is designed exactly for situations like yours—where there's a credible threat that the other parent might flee with the child.
**What qualifies as an emergency?** Under **Michigan Court Rule 3.207(B)** , an ex parte motion can be granted if you can show, by specific facts, that "immediate and irreparable injury, loss, or damage will result" before the other side can be heard. The court also considers whether there is a "risk of flight" or "threats to move the child out of state without permission" as valid grounds for an emergency motion.
**How to file in Wayne County:**
- Go to the **Wayne County Circuit Court - Family Division** (downtown Detroit) and ask for the **"Emergency Motion for Temporary Custody"** forms. Wayne County uses forms like FD/FOC 4052 for custody enforcement requests.
- You'll need to file a **verified motion** (a written statement signed under oath) outlining every reason you are afraid she will take your daughter to Tennessee—the festival trip, the new boyfriend, the fact her lease ends soon, her lack of income, and her refusal to discuss the future.
- Attach **any evidence** you have: texts, call logs, the video of the push incident, and any written proof about the Tennessee man or her lease ending. Be exhaustive, as the court is more likely to act when there's concrete proof of a plan to move.
## 📋 Step 2: Start a Formal Custody Case (Contested)
Alongside an emergency request, you should file a general complaint to establish a permanent custody order. Since you are not married to the mother, the initial step here depends on whether paternity has been legally established.
- **Has paternity been established?** If you signed an Affidavit of Parentage or there's a prior court ruling, you are a legal parent. If not, you should file a **"Complaint for Custody and Support (Paternity)"** with the family court as soon as possible. This action serves the dual purpose of legally recognizing you as a parent and beginning the official custody process. Once paternity is confirmed, you can then ask for a formal parenting plan, custody, and a restriction on relocation.
- **What if paternity isn't established yet?** In Michigan, when parents are not married, the mother is presumed to have sole legal and physical custody from birth until the father legally establishes his paternity through the court or by signing an Affidavit of Parentage. **If you have already signed an Affidavit of Parentage, you and the mother currently have equal rights and responsibilities regarding custody** under Michigan law. This means you can ask the court for any custody arrangement you believe is in your child's best interests, including a restriction on moving out of state without the court's permission.
## 📍 Step 3: Understand the Relocation Laws (MCL 722.31)
Michigan has strict rules about moving children. Under **MCL 722.31**, a parent who has joint legal custody cannot move a child more than 100 miles from their current residence or out of the state of Michigan **without** either: (a) the other parent's written consent, or (b) court permission. Violating this rule can lead to contempt of court, fines, attorney fees, and even a change of custody to you.
**However**, here's the catch: MCL 722.31 technically applies only when there is a custody order in place. This is exactly why you need to file for custody **right now**—to lock in the current legal residence and prevent her from being able to argue that she can move freely without an order.
## 📹 Step 4: The Push Incident Is Critical Evidence
The video of your ex pushing your 4-year-old by the head is **very serious**. In Michigan, that could be considered evidence of either "domestic violence" or "child abuse" under **MCL 750.136b**. A parent who has committed domestic violence may have limited parenting time in a custody case.
**Immediately:**
- **Make multiple backup copies** of the video (cloud storage, USB drive, email to yourself).
- **Write down exactly what happened** (date, time, location, what was said, how your daughter reacted) and keep that written note with your evidence.
- **Consider filing a report with Child Protective Services** or your local police department. Even if they don't take action, having an official report on file is evidence that you took the incident seriously.
- **If you file a police report**, you will receive a report number. Keep it; it is useful in court to show a documented history of concerning behavior. In a custody case, having clear proof of domestic violence is critical to helping the court understand the seriousness of the situation. If the violence directly threatened the child, it can be grounds for the court to limit her parenting time or even give you sole custody.
## 🏠 Step 5: Changing the Locks & Living Situation
Changing your locks is a good safety precaution if you feel the mother might enter your home without permission or cause a scene. However, **it does not give you legal custody or the right to keep your daughter from her mother without a court order.**
- **Do not bar the mother from taking the child** during a mutually agreed upon time until a judge says otherwise. That is exactly the type of action that could be used against you.
- **Do keep your home safe, secure, and child-ready.** A judge will want to see that you have a stable living environment for your daughter.
## 👨⚖️ Step 6: Get a Lawyer (Even If Just for a Consultation)
Family law in Michigan is complex, and Wayne County's court system moves fast. The **Friend of the Court** office in Wayne County can help with some matters (like child support enforcement), but for emergency custody and relocation disputes, you really need a lawyer. If you cannot afford one, contact:
- **Michigan Legal Help** (michiganlegalhelp.org) for free legal guides and form assistance.
- **Lakeshore Legal Aid** (serving Wayne County) for possible low-income representation.
- **The State Bar of Michigan's Lawyer Referral Service** (1-800-968-0738) to get a low-cost consultation that can help you move your case forward.
## 🍼 Step 7: Gather All Evidence for Your Custody Case
The judge will decide custody based on the "best interests of the child," which includes 12 specific factors in Michigan law. Here is what your case can prove:
| **Best Interest Factor** | **How Your Evidence Applies** |
| :--- | :--- |
| **Emotional ties between child and each parent** | Your daughter has spent her entire life in your home and was even born there—this strongly shows her primary emotional attachment is to you. Her expressed desire to stay with you further supports this. |
| **The parents' ability to provide care** | You have a stable home, while the mother has no income, her lease is ending, and she is financially dependent on a series of men. |
| **The child's adjustment to home, school, and community** | Your daughter is adjusted to living with you; uprooting her to Tennessee would be harmful. |
| **The mental and physical health of the parents** | The push incident (on video) is evidence of concerning behavior. You should also document any other signs of instability or volatility. |
| **The child's preference (for a child of sufficient age)** | While your daughter is young (4), her stated desire to be with you can be considered, especially if the court finds it sincere. |
| **Any history of domestic violence** | The video is powerful here. Use Michigan's guidelines for presenting domestic violence evidence in custody cases to the court. |
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## 🛡️ Quick Summary: Your Action Plan
1. **Do not withhold your daughter** from her mother without a court order.
2. **Go to Wayne County Circuit Court (Family Division) immediately** and file an **ex parte emergency motion for temporary custody**. Cite the Tennessee move risk, the new boyfriend, her unstable housing, her lack of income, and the push incident.
3. **File a formal custody case (Paternity action if needed)** to establish a permanent order and activate Michigan's relocation restrictions.
4. **Preserve and back up the video** of the push incident. Consider filing a police report.
5. **Get a lawyer** for the hearing; if you can't afford one, use Michigan Legal Help or Legal Aid.
6. **Gather every document and message** you have—texts, emails, call logs, anything that shows her instability, threats, or plans to move.
You are in a strong position here. You have the home, the stability, and—above all—the video evidence. Act now, act legally, and don't give her time to run.
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