Do I try and keep the house?
My husband (we haven’t even went to mediation yet) bought a house with his girlfriend.
Should I keep our marital home? Facts to share
1. We built it for 131,000
2 we lived there for 11 years
3. We owed 90k
4. It appraised for 300,000
5. I have a 1 yo and a 9 yo so I am trying not to
Disrupt their lives too badly….
I need to add French drains to fix our plumbing (quoted for 10k)And of course fix some minor things in the house like the fridge etc.
Now, with that said I need to “pay him” out of the house…
Do I factor in the costs of closing, the repairs to deduct from his pay out?
Or do I sell it and move on?
I researched your question about whether to keep the marital home or sell it, considering repairs, your husband's new home purchase, and your children's stability. Here is the answer to the best of my knowledge.
There's a lot to unpack, but let's cut through the overwhelming details. You're facing a massive financial decision with high emotions and kids in the mix. Your gut is telling you to keep the house for stability—but let's be brutally honest about whether you can truly afford it. Let's break this down.
### 📊 Financial Reality Check: Getting the Numbers Right
First, let's get the buyout math straight. You’re sitting on a goldmine of equity: $300,000 value – $90,000 owed = **$210,000 in total equity**. Assuming a 50/50 split, that’s a **$105,000 buyout** you’d owe him—a huge sum that will likely require a cash-out refinance.
Now, about those repairs and costs—this is where the process can get messy. In standard buyout calculations, both the necessary repairs (like your $10,000 French drain) AND the hypothetical costs of selling (realtor commissions and closing costs) can be subtracted from the total equity BEFORE you calculate his share. This strategy accounts for the fact that you’re taking on a home in a certain condition and that you could sell it after the divorce. You can also deduct the cost of refinancing to remove his name (estimated around $7,500). Other credits can include mortgage payments, taxes, or improvements you've paid for since separation. The key is negotiating all of these deductions in your settlement agreement.
### 🏡 Weighing Your Options: Keep, Sell, or Wait?
It’s a common dilemma, and many parents want to keep the home for the kids’ stability. Here’s a breakdown of the three paths so you can think them through:
| **Option** | **✅ Pros** | **❌ Cons** |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| **Keep the Home** | Kids stay in a familiar, stable environment. You could offset the buyout with other assets like retirement savings. | You have to qualify for a new mortgage alone on a single income. You'll inherit all future repair costs (like fixing the plumbing) and property taxes. |
| **Sell the Home** | Provides a clean financial break with no ties to your ex. You can use the proceeds to rebuild, pay off debt, and secure housing elsewhere. | Selling costs like commissions can eat into your proceeds. The kids would have to move, which can be stressful and feel like a second loss. |
| **Transitional Nesting** | The kids stay in the home while you and your ex rotate in and out, providing an emotional buffer during the transition. | It's a complex, temporary, and often awkward living arrangement that is rarely a long-term solution. |
### ⚖️ Other Factors to Consider
You mentioned his new home purchase. While buying a house with a new partner while still married is a red flag, it can work in your favor. It signals he has other assets that could be offset against the buyout. It also might mean he’s less emotionally attached to the marital home, potentially making him easier to negotiate with on repairs or sale costs.
Speaking of the mortgage, you can't just take over the payments. You must formally remove him from the liability through a **mortgage assumption** (keeping the same terms if allowed) or a **cash-out refinance**. If you split and sell later, you'd pay capital gains tax on only the first $250,000 of profit as a single filer, unlike the $500,000 exclusion available to married couples.
### 💡 Your Strategic Path Forward
Your primary goal is to secure your children's future, not cling to a house that becomes a financial prison. Here’s a practical checklist to guide your decisions:
1. **Talk to a Loan Officer**: Before anything else, sit down with a mortgage lender to run the numbers. Find out if you can even qualify for a $195,000 loan (the $90,000 balance + roughly $105,000 buyout) on just your income.
2. **Get Everything in Writing**: **Do not** rely on verbal promises. All agreements—especially about repairs or sale costs—must be in your formal divorce decree to be enforceable.
3. **Use Closing Costs as Leverage**: In your negotiations, firmly push for the $10,000 plumbing repair and the hypothetical realtor fees to be deducted from the equity before calculating his share.
4. **Prioritize Your Liquidity**: If keeping the house would drain your savings or leave you house-rich but cash-poor, selling might be the smarter financial move to give you a fresh start.
This is your opportunity to build a stable, independent life for yourself and your children. The right choice is the one that leaves you financially secure, not just emotionally attached. You've got this.
**Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. This does not constitute legal advice but rather a personal opinion based on general information. Laws vary by jurisdiction, and you should consult with a qualified attorney for advice on your specific situation.**
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